His Intern: A Billionaire and Virgin Romance Page 15

  When I woke up again it was much later. The sun was high in the sky and I had three messages on my phone. Two were from Jess, asking if I was okay. One was from Zach. All he said was ‘okay.’ I tried not to think about how uncaring that sounded. If anything, he sounded indifferent about the whole thing.

  What could be wrong with me? I wasn’t a sickly person. I didn’t get headaches or the flu or any other common sickness easily. I barely went to the doctor and I ate healthy enough.

  I opened my laptop and typed my question into Google. Why am I nauseous?

  Common causes of nausea include drug side effects, food poisoning, motion sickness, pregnancy, drinking too much…

  My eyes landed on ‘pregnancy’. There was no way, was there? Zach and I had been using protection. And I’d been a virgin before that. I hadn’t slept around ever. I’d been safe. I’d done everything right.

  Hadn’t I?

  I opened the calendar on my phone and closed my eyes, trying to remember when I’d had my last period. I tried to anchor it to events which lead to dates. When I worked it out on my calendar, I was late. Three weeks late. I hadn’t focused on my cycle. I had been so busy with work and trying not to be infatuated with Zach that it slipped my mind completely.

  I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Everyone always commented on the glow that pregnant woman acquired.

  I didn’t glow at all. If anything, I looked pasty. My hair was a mess and I had dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I knew what I had to do. I needed to take a test and know for sure. I was probably wrong. You couldn’t trust the internet to know what your symptoms meant. Google and WebMD weren’t replacements for real doctors and pregnancy tests.

  I got dressed in jeans and a long sleeve tee, ran a brush through my hair and put on foundation and mascara. I only looked marginally better, but I wasn’t going to the office or anywhere else important. I walked to the closest convenience store.

  I hadn’t ever been in the baby aisle before. It was filled with baby nappies and pacifiers, wet wipes, bum cream and teething toys. The other side of the aisle had pregnancy tests, condoms and lube all collected in the same place. Was this supposed to be a joke?

  I felt completely lost. There were four different brands and two different kinds of pregnancy tests, each of them proclaiming to be the most accurate on the market. I read the names, saw the pictures of the tests on the packs and couldn’t breathe.

  “Are you okay, honey?” an older woman asked me. She had a toddler sitting at her feet playing with one of the teething toys.

  “No,” I said, admitting defeat. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  I wanted to use stronger language, but there was a baby on the floor. I didn’t know how much he knew already.

  “What can I help you with?” she asked.

  I felt like crying. “I don’t know which pregnancy test to get,” I said. My voice hitched at the end.

  The woman put her hand on my arm. “I’ll help you, don’t worry.”

  She smiled at me when I glanced at her. Her eyes were a light hazel, the same color as her hair and she was slightly chubby – baby weight? – but her smile was easy and I swallowed my tears.

  “Okay, so you’ve got a couple of different ones, but you want one that will tell you accurately. You don’t want to make a mistake about this. Imagine telling hubby it’s a negative when you really have a bun in the oven!”

  She laughed like her joke was funny. I smiled but I didn’t think it was funny. I didn’t have a husband and I would prefer if my oven stayed bun-free.

  “So, First Response is the best one. I know it’s a little pricier than some of the others, but it’s really a no brainer. It can tell you earlier than the others too. I used that.”

  I glanced at the baby on the floor. He was knocking off all the items from the bottom shelf. She didn’t seem to mind.

  “When you get home, pee on it. In the morning is better because your pee isn’t diluted, but whenever should be fine.”

  I nodded, trying to concentrate. I tasted my heart in my throat. I struggled to breathe and the name on the box was blurry. I blinked fast to get rid of the tears.

  “Is he your first?” I asked.

  She looked at the toddler and smiled.

  “Oh, yes. He’s a sweetheart now, but I can tell you it wasn’t easy. Finding out I was pregnant was scary. He’s such a blessing now. You shouldn’t worry about it.”

  I nodded, still looking at the baby. I couldn’t imagine having a toddler crawl around my feet. I couldn’t imagine having to give up my career, my lifestyle, my dreams…I couldn’t be pregnant. It had to be something else. There was just no way I could do this.

  “Thank you for your help,” I said to the woman. She smiled at me, scooping her child up from the floor.

  “Of course! Us moms need to stick together.” She winked at me and my stomach turned. “Good luck,” she added. I forced a smile and walked away with the box in my hand.

  I couldn’t be pregnant.

  Standing in the checkout line was even worse. There were three people in front of me. I felt like all of them would judge me the moment they saw the pregnancy test. They would know what I’d done.

  Of course, I could be a mother of three, waiting to find out if I was pregnant with number four. I could be anyone. I could be buying it for a friend. They didn’t know anything. But I knew, and I wished the earth would open me up and swallow me whole.

  To distract myself, I looked at the magazine on the stands all around me. They were strategically placed to get the customer to buy them, along with sweets and chocolates. I didn’t read magazines in general – there was enough gossip in my world. People magazine drew my attention.

  Women Empowerment or…?

  Next to the title in big white letters, was Zach’s face. At least, it was half of his face. The other half of it was being sucked on by a woman with red hair and an unflattering shirt. The picture had been taken in the dark, but it was undoubtedly Zach. If the title of the article didn’t give it away, his slicked back hair did it.

  “Next,” the woman behind the till said. I walked forward in a daze, my pregnancy test almost forgotten. I couldn’t breathe. I trembled all over. My heart hammered against my ribs. I was scared I would pass out.

  “Ma’am?”

  I looked up at the cashier.

  “I’m sorry?” My ears rang so loudly I couldn’t hear what she was saying.

  “Are you taking that?” she asked, nodding to the magazine I hadn’t realized I was holding onto. I shook my head and put it down. I’d clutched it so hard the corner was curled up. She rolled her eyes and told me the price. I opened my purse and produced a handful of notes. She gave half of it back to me. I stuffed it back into my purse without thinking.

  “Thank you,” I mumbled and stuffed the pregnancy test in my handbag.

  I walked all the way home without thinking. My feet were on autopilot. Blood rushed to my head in the shop and I’d been unable to think. Now, I was unable to feel. I had gone numb, my emotions had dried up and I was a husk, blowing around in the wind.

  At home, I sat on the closed toilet lid with the home pregnancy test in my lap. I stared at the box for what felt like forever. I couldn’t be pregnant. Not with Zach’s child, not now. After that magazine cover… what would they think of me if I turned out to be pregnant with his child? His PR agent… I would be the joke of the century. The poor PR girl who couldn’t even do her job right and was stupid enough to get knocked up.

  What would that do to his father, to the company’s image? That was even worse. All that hard work had been for nothing. Not only would my reputation be ruined, Ken would also lose the one thing he cared about. And Zach?

  I’d lost him already, it seemed. I had already pushed him away, but a part of me hoped he would hold on despite everything.

  Hope was a traitor.

  I looked down at the pregnancy test again. I wasn’t pregnant. This could be a
n illness. Maybe I could go to the doctor and get medicine. It was just the stress of the last two months taking a toll on me. My period was late because of that too. It wasn’t anything to worry about.

  I opened the box and found the leaflet. I read it over three times. When I was sure I knew what to do – not that it was rocket science – I took out the white plastic stick with the pointed end. I sat on the toilet and did exactly as the instructions said. Carefully, I put it on the basin.

  The leaflet had said to wait a minimum of three minutes. Three minutes had never felt longer.

  God, this was torture.

  I waited for what felt like forever, checking the clock every minute. When the time was finally up, I grabbed the pregnancy test.

  The moment of truth. I had been impatient all this time, but now that my three minutes were up, I didn’t want to look. I was terrified of what the result may be. Was it too late to pray? I didn’t even know if anyone would listen.

  I covered my eyes with one hand and held up the pregnancy test with the other. I would count to three, I told myself, and then force myself to look. Better knowing than not knowing. No matter what the result.

  I took a deep breath and counted out loud.

  “One. Two. Three.”

  Chapter 19: Zach

  Hailey was sick again. It had become a regular occurrence lately. I knew it wasn’t her fault – things like that happen – but I was irritated. I wanted to get back to a normal routine. I wanted to carry on with work, the only distraction I had in a life that had gotten away from me.

  My mom’s legacy was the only thing in my world that was still certain. My father made sure of that. It was important that her companies succeeded. It meant that even when everything felt wrong, there was still one thing that was right.

  I sat on my chair, swiveling from side to side, looking out at the view without really seeing it. I thought about the last time I saw Hailey. She was so damn cold and all about business now. Seeing her every day was both a blessing and torture. If she hadn’t been my PR agent, I wouldn’t have seen her at all, but seeing her every day – having her within reach and not being able to touch her – was terrible. All I wanted to do was have her to myself. I was desperate to be with her again, to build a future with her.

  It was the first time I’d ever wanted to build a future with a woman. Other than the company, I’d never committed to anything before. Hailey was the first woman who meant more to me than just entertainment.

  And she was the only woman I couldn’t have. Life was a bitch that way.

  My phone rang and I answered automatically.

  “Come to my office, please,” my father said over the phone. I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t like I was right next door and he could get up and knock on my door or anything.

  “On my way,” I said and hung up. I got up, fastened my top button, and straightened my tie.

  My father sat behind his desk, staring down at some paperwork in front of him. When he looked up at me his face was serious. In fact, it was more than serious. He looked pissed. I swallowed and sat down on the edge of the chair opposite him.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. “Hungover? Satisfied?”

  I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re not at an age where I can reprimand you for being out on a school night. But really, Zach, if you plan on wasting your life away, at least do it behind closed doors.” He narrowed his eyes.

  I blinked. He was referring to the bottle of Tequila I drank the night before. Of course, he was.

  My father picked up a magazine and threw it down on the desk in front of me. People magazine had my face plastered across the cover along with that tacky redhead. A nice picture of her kissing me, another where I was hanging on her. White words were printed in bold next to it. Women Empowerment or…?

  I picked up the magazine. My body went cold.

  “Nothing happened,” I said, looking at my dad. “I had a beer and-”

  My father shook his head. “I don’t even want to hear it, Zach. I don’t want your excuses.”

  “I’m not making excuses. Nothing happened. She attached herself to me. When she kissed me, I pushed her away.”

  “And this photo was just conveniently taken before that?” he asked.

  “Yes. It’s actually quite inconvenient,” I said.

  My father leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands down his face. He looked tired. I realized how old he’d become. The man of steel didn’t often look frail, but right then he looked like he was reaching the end of his line.

  “I don’t know what we’ve been working so hard for,” my father said. “Hailey has been here for you non-stop. We’ve been working so damn hard to get your image sorted out for this campaign. What was it all for, Zach? Tell me, what was the point?”

  The moment my father mentioned Hailey, blood drained from my face. Until now I’d thought only of myself and what this looked like for me. If Hailey saw this, what would she think of me? It wouldn’t be as simple as my dad’s accusation that I was sinking the company. For Hailey, it wouldn’t just be about the business. It would be personal.

  God. And I’d pushed that redhead away because it was personal to me, too.

  “You’re not even listening to me,” my father said. I looked up from the magazine. He was getting angrier by the second. I looked back at the cover again. Suddenly, I was extremely tired. Tired of all the hard work, of all the pressure, of this life I was living.

  I leaned back in my seat.

  “I’m not in the mood for this,” I said. I just wanted to go back to my office and do what I usually did. I wanted all of this to go away.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize I had to make an appointment with you to discuss how you’re not just throwing your life away, but your mother’s too.” He laid the sarcasm on thick and I fought the urge to groan.

  “People make mistakes,” I said.

  My father shook his head and got up, walking to the tall windows. I wondered how often he stared at the view, if it reminded him of how trapped he was like it did for me.

  “You don’t get it,” he said. “This isn’t about you. You always think it’s about you – that’s the only thing that matters in your life. But this is so much bigger. This is about your mother, about her dream, her legacy.”

  My father turned to me and his eyes were more watery than usual.

  “This was her baby. You know that. I started this company for her, so that her legacy would continue after she was gone. This is all we have left of her. Everything you’re doing affects that. What do you think it looks like when the man promoting the company for women’s rights is sleeping around?”

  “I didn’t sleep with her! Fuck. I said that already.”

  “And what about all the others? Did you push them away too?”

  I didn’t answer him. I didn’t have to.

  “There are enough people out there who know what you’ve done to put two and two together on this one. Even if they don’t get the right answer. Why are you still here if you don’t care? Why don’t ‎you just leave the company and walk away? Then you can do what you want and Nora won’t suffer.”

  I was furious.

  “Why don’t you just fire me, then?” I asked in a raised voice. “You keep suggesting I leave. Why don’t you just make that decision for me? You’ve decided everything else about my life.”

  My father blinked.

  “Don’t you dare,” he said and his voice was low. His quiet anger was a lot worse than his loud anger. “Don’t you dare make this about you. It’s about her. I know you’ve never loved anyone so I don’t expect you to understand, but I loved your mother. She was everything to me, my entire world. This is all I have left of her and if getting rid of you is what I need to do to keep her memory alive, I’ll do it. I will do anything for her.”

  His words hurt like a b
itch. My chest felt hollow. I loved my mom too, but I was still alive and he was choosing her over me. Again.

  I wanted to shout the truth at him. I wanted to tell him that he was so obsessed with her Company, her legacy, that he had forgotten about me. I wanted to tell him I had feelings too. I had dreams too. None of those were important to him because mom was all that mattered.

  I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I turned around and left the office. I slammed the door so hard it reverberated loudly enough that I was sure everyone heard it.

  I didn’t care. They already had their minds made up about me, didn’t they? There was no reason for me to go back and convince them I was someone else. I was tired of putting on masks only to be punished.

  My office felt like nothing more than a prison. My veins were on fire. I was so angry I could have broken something. That would’ve just completed the image, right? Reckless Zach. But my father had no right to mold me into the image he wanted. He had no right to tell me who I needed to be. He didn’t seem to understand that if he changed me, he was losing me in the process.

  The moment he told me that he knew I’d never loved before, I pictured Hailey’s face. She was the one person I truly cared about. What would I do if she was mine and I lost her the way my father had lost my mom? I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing. Maybe not in the same way, but I understood it. I’d want to protect her memory just as fiercely as he protected my mother’s.

  But, I didn’t have her. Hailey wasn’t mine, no matter how I felt about her. I didn’t want to admit my feelings for her or add any kind of label to them, unless I knew I could do something about it. None of that mattered because Hailey didn’t want me. Thinking about the possibility of loving her meant nothing unless she felt the same.

  Unless I told her. Maybe she would understand and change her mind. I’d never told her how I felt about her. When I had been able to speak to her, I hadn’t felt this strongly about her. Sure, I’d been falling for her, but love? Love was real. Love was scary.